The Stellalympics 2011- a report from Eddie.
So there I was, hanging around outside the Marlborough Tavern with my youngest son, waiting for the boozer to open. Had it really come to this?
30 minutes later however, following a long explanation from LTB of the points system and various anagrammatical team names, and surrounded by colleagues of a vaguely cricketing persuasion, the 24-hour Stellalympics was in full swing with beer consumption and the chucking-a-ping-pong-ball in-a-pint-glass event – complete failure, nil points!
Basha was very proud of his status as an “Olympian”.
Event 1 - pitch ‘n’ put.
Feeling guilty for interrupting the golf-bloke’s quiet afternoon by making him take our money and hand out clubs/balls, we set of for the first tee. Long storey short, LTB wins, after announcing half-way round that he was playing his ‘joker’ – 20 points in the bag for the red team!
Event 2 – mini-golf (like proper golf, but smaller)!
Nice lady gives us discount thanks to silver-tongued Stella (not Kissi!). Much hilarity with balls flying hither and thither, and a bit of heated debate between young Mr White and the Copemiester General about flag holding/removal.
Jonty Mac is the mini-champion (like the golf champion, but smaller)!
Event 3 – chucking the Frisbee-thing.
Set among the glorious surroundings of Royal Crescent, the boys set about trying to decapitate Japanese tourists.
Our oriental visitors managed to keep their limbs, and Chalky (from now on known as the “Aborigine”) managed to throw the thing (boomerang-stylee) twice as far as anyone else! Struggled in retrieving Frisbee however due to a little wall being actually quite big!
Event 4 – ‘killer’ skittles.
Food delayed the return to Hampset CC, however the competition was soon back – three lives, last man standing. And that last man was also the littlest man – Copey!
Terry-Tonypandy-Pandyman-Chipolata-Sandys joins the festivities!
Event 5 – the Space-Hopper race.
Bleedin’ hysterical! No other words can do it justice.
Almost no cheating, lots of falling over and very sore thighs.
Good source of entertainment for Hampset !st X1.
Blue team victorious!
Shane ‘Shaner’, the Marquiss of Weston arrives, (which was quite lucky as he was responsible for event 6!).
Also pleased to be joined by the ‘Huggy’ and Professor Smith, whose fault this all was. A brief appearance from ‘Cluner’, who foolishly thought his wife would allow him to miss a family weekend away to come to the Stellalympics!
Event 6 – The quiz
Much anticipated, great expectations, extremely competitive.
Now I’m not a sore loser, but I have to say the red team won because they had more players and also were closest to the door so grabbed quiz-geniuses Huggy and Smiffy as they arrived!
Event 7 – Pool
‘Killer’ pool actually.
Eddie Hitler won – nuff said!
Event 8 - Ten-pin bowling
The evening was now drawing in, well-wishers and hangers-on were ushered from the clubhouse as the Stellas settled in for the night. The bar was closed (snigger).
Luckily the Lobster had a wee in the corner, so we had a game of 10-pin bowling (of the Nintendo variety).
Very enjoyable - some players were doing things which made the ball swerve and stuff, but it didn’t do them any good, as the big bloke won again!
All getting a bit weary and tetchy at this stage, however a second-wind was on its way in the form of performance-enhancing energy drinks (this second-wind should not be confused with subsequent ‘winds’ the following morning which were a lot more smelly!!).
Event 9 – Tennis
Oh yes, I said ‘tennis’.
Luckily no running outside around involved – ‘twas another wee activity.
This was a very strange game which many of us were very suspicious of, however it was actually jolly hilarious!
The tournament was well organised by Stauner, and he won it as well! And nobody batted an eyelid! Lobster however top-scored as he played his joker.
Event 10 – Team skittles
Morning had broken, as were many of the Stellas.
Important points were lost by blokes who just couldn’t stay awake. And despite denials by certain people (I’m looking at you Pandyman!), photographic evidence was clear. And talking of photos – an incriminating picture of Gezzer and a bottle of ketchup will remain hidden as long as he keeps the payments up!
We were hanging now but a diet of sausages, coffee and skittles perked us all up, except perhaps for Kissi who spent rather a lot of this period in the gents. Ted Burns’ plan to put out plenty of toilet paper was now beginning to pay dividends!
El Tel managed to be top-scorer AND bottom-scorer, but the blues were triumphant! Basha was individual skittles champion, but then he is the best skittles captain we ever had!
The final scores
As 12 noon approached, LTB and Lobster locked themselves away in the kitchen as the totals were totalled, various bonus points applied, and penalties penalised.
In the end, the red team were victorious. Amazingly, after all events it was down to one point - 323 v 322.
Individual placings were as follows:
Bronze – Eddie Hitler
Silver – Bambi Gez
Gold – LTB
Medals were awarded, a photo was taken and the achievement was recorded for posterity.
Unfortunately the prize for the winning side was a drink each from the opposition, and so it started again……………
